Happy Valentine’s Day!

By Tom Horvath, PhD

Even if you do not have a specific partner this Valentine’s Day, and especially if you do, it’s a great day to engage in relationship enhancing behaviors. You might do something special just for today. In addition to your partner, you could also reach out to someone who is not at all expecting to hear from you (a parent, relative, mentor, friend, etc.): “I know you may not be expecting to hear from me on Valentine’s Day, but when I thought about all the people who mean a lot to me, I realized that thanking you for being you was a great idea. So, I want you to know I appreciate you and am thankful for the role you have played in my life.”

Too sappy? Keep in mind that a psychologist wrote it! Any variation that works for you can get the job done.

Further, love and appreciation are appropriate any day. Let’s focus on activities you might engage in any time, with today as a start. We know from the idea of love languages that we can love and support others in a variety of ways. Further, the idea that someone wants “love” in only one way is probably not accurate, even if some languages are priorities.

Almost anyone wants more attention. Think about your “people.” What is going on with each of them? What might they appreciate a question about? Perhaps a text, voicemail, phone call, or card? “I am remembering that you have been focused on X. I’m curious about how it is going?” The more specific you can be in your questions, the more they know you have been listening and care about them.

Beyond attention, could someone use some companionship? Some active helping on a project? If your loved one is nearby, some gentle physical touch, perhaps a hand on a shoulder or arm, or a hug, may be appropriate. At the very least, make extended eye contact, and listen!

Relationships are built up over time, not just by flowers, candy, or a card on Valentine’s Day. If today you increase your effort to enhance your relationships in small but ongoing ways, you will be very pleased with the quality of your life on Valentine’s Day a year from now.

Liked this article? You might also be interested in: The Languages of Love