By Tom Horvath, PhD, ABPP Although many of us have warm memories about Thanksgiving spent with family and friends, there may be some painful memories as well. If you're looking for tips on coping with Thanksgiving, and the problems that might arise, consider the following goals: If avoiding squabbles is your goal, can you sit on your own opinions for one day? Say nothing, or say “I don’t agree with these ideas, but this isn’t the time or place to discuss them.” Repeat “this isn’t the time or place” as needed. If your goal is not drinking, or drinking less, you might need some preparation. Will a family member or two be “in the know” and support you? If you are likely to be asked questions (“why are you not drinking?”) do you have an honest but not necessarily revealing ans...

By Tom Horvath, PhD “If we have our own why, we shall get along with almost any how.” -Friedrich Nietzsche, Twilight of the Idols, Maxims and Arrows, #12, translated (1954) by Walter Kaufman, originally published 1889. Our Own Why There is a range of “whys” that explain how we behave. We have in-the-moment behaviors like eating (why? “I’m hungry”). As we mature, we also have much longer-term timeframes, such as multi-year educational plans (why? “I want to be an X”), and multi-decade parenting plans (why? “I want to give my children opportunities and an upbringing that I did not get to have”). You can probably recall many examples of how you tolerated discomfort or pain for the sake of a longer-term outcome. I suggest that it is helpful to make a list of these experiences in you...

By Tom Horvath, PhD Although occasionally we hear someone say “I’m addicted to everything,” it appears that most of us deeply enjoy only a few substances or activities. You would not have time for all of them! This fact means that there are many or at least some substances that you do not feel strongly drawn to, even though others may be. For instance, you might like gambling, but not be interested in any substances. Or you might very much like alcohol (or weed, or meth, or opiates, or coke, or ketamine, or various activities, etc.) but not especially be interested in MDMA (or alcohol, or weed, or meth, or opiates, or coke, or ketamine, or various activities, etc.). How do you do it? How do you NOT get carried away with substances or activities that others find so tempting? How...

Progressive Muscle Relaxation: Using My Muscles to Relax My Mind By Tom Horvath, PhD Have you had moments when you believed “I cannot relax” or “I cannot relax unless I use?” Have you then used or drank because it was your best method to relax? Sometimes we do need to relax! The good news is that progressive muscle relaxation is one effective method that can work as well (with some practice) and does not have side effects. Progressive muscle relaxation (PMR) is over100 years old! There is strong scientific evidence of its effectiveness. It has been applied to anxiety, stress, insomnia, depression, sports performance, and other areas. Edmund Jacobson, a physician, developed the technique and wrote several books about it. You can easily find YouTube videos and other sources (such a...

What are your sources of pleasure? By Tom Horvath, PhD If you’ve had addictive problems, you may easily recall experiences (with substances or activities) that you found intensely pleasurable. Addictive behavior can provide that! However, regardless of how much you are still having that type of experience, you can understand and appreciate yourself much better by examining the other sources of pleasure in your life. A daily review of them is useful. That review could happen at any time, but doing so as you fall asleep is a good way to end the day with a sense of pride and gratitude. What experiences from your day stand out to you? You may be surprised at what you discover. Here are some questions to consider in that review. How much did you enjoy sensory experience today? S...

By Tom Horvath, PhD, ABPP One of the simplest but most powerful ways to reduce stress is to focus on breathing. Although books have been written on this subject, the following ideas may be a sufficient guide for you. Because we breathe continuously, you will have lots of opportunity to practice! Less is More Perhaps the most important single step to reduce stress is to breathe less, while breathing regularly, through your nose. A deep breath or two can get you started on “breath work,” but after those initial breaths, focus on breathing regularly but more slowly, and with lower volume of air. You are not going to reduce your rate of breathing instantly. However, over the course of many breaths your rate will (probably not entirely smoothly) reduce. With practice you might breathe a...

by Tom Horvath, PhD A well-lived life needs to have significant and possibly considerable amounts of discomfort in it. For instance, do you want to exercise well, maintain a certain weight, get up early, work hard at something, or hold your tongue in an intense discussion? You are likely to feel uncomfortable! The key, then, is to learn skills for managing discomfort that will inevitably come. You might also be interested in: Coping with Stress in Addiction Recovery In particular, if you want to stop an addictive problem, you are likely to have a transition period as you change how you live. Cravings might die off almost entirely after 90 days (although there is no guarantee they will completely), but other challenges might last much longer. Maybe you should just give up now? Fortu...

by Thaddeus Camlin, PsyD Leading harm-reduction experts, April Smith and Kenneth Anderson, recently released an article outlining harm-reduction tips for safer drinking amidst shelter-in-place restrictions.  Many are choosing to abstain entirely, others, not so much.  Many, many industries are hit hard by the societal shutdowns, however, the adult beverage industry is not one of them.  Alcohol sales are up, way up, during the COVID-19 crisis.  Nothing like heroic doses of uncertainty and boredom to drive one to drink!  For those who may be struggling to adhere to their drinking goals, Smith & Anderson offer tips to help maximize drinking safety. Lack of structure is one of the biggest challenges many people face in the era of shelter-in-place.  With external structure no longe...

by Thaddeus Camlin, Psy.D. As the late, great Jim Morrison crooned, strange days have found us.  As millions adjust to social life filtered almost exclusively through the cold, unforgiving pixilation of digital screens, the need for genuine connection is more intense than ever.  Below are five ways of coping with isolation that do not involve more screens and may be helpful amidst these strange days that have tracked us down. You might also be interested in: Why Do People Use Drugs? 1. Phone Calls Phone calls rather than facetime, skype, zoom, whatever, eliminate the visual element.  There’s nothing like real-time visual feedback of ourselves to distract us and heighten our insecurities.  Pacing around a living room while talking on the phone can help free the mind.  Feeling mor...

Coping with drug and alcohol cravings is a major component of changing problematic addictive behavior, so much so that the DSM5 added craving as a diagnostic criteria for substance use disorders.  It is next to certain that any change in habitual behavior will at some point result in urges or cravings for the old behavior.  Who hasn't experienced a craving for something salty or sweet when trying to eat healthier?  Below we discuss 10 tried and true methods that help people manage drug and alcohol cravings. 1. Set a Timer Urges tend to run out of steam after 30-45 minutes, setting a timer for a ½ hour can help to ride out the urge.  Think of cravings as sprinters, they are intense but run out of steam pretty quickly. 2. Distract Yourself from the Craving Do something that requires f...