By Tom Horvath, PhD Even if you do not have a specific partner this Valentine's Day, and especially if you do, it’s a great day to engage in relationship enhancing behaviors. You might do something special just for today. In addition to your partner, you could also reach out to someone who is not at all expecting to hear from you (a parent, relative, mentor, friend, etc.): “I know you may not be expecting to hear from me on Valentine’s Day, but when I thought about all the people who mean a lot to me, I realized that thanking you for being you was a great idea. So, I want you to know I appreciate you and am thankful for the role you have played in my life.” Too sappy? Keep in mind that a psychologist wrote it! Any variation that works for you can get the job done. Further, love...

by John de Miranda Early in my recovery from an alcohol use disorder I discovered that memoirs and first-person accounts of people struggling with addiction were a useful method to help me deal with the challenges of a life without alcohol. Many of these accounts were uplifting. Some were scary. I remember one in particular A Sensitive Passionate Man published in 1974 by Barbara Mahoney. Her account chronicles life with her husband Sean who died at the age of 45 from cirrhosis of the liver. Despite a life of material and personal success Sean rebutted all attempts from family and friends to intervene in his alcoholism and literally drank himself to death. In my pink cloud naivete I was taken by surprise that not all stories of addiction had a happy ending. I am an instructor in...

By Tom Horvath, PhD “If we have our own why, we shall get along with almost any how.” -Friedrich Nietzsche, Twilight of the Idols, Maxims and Arrows, #12, translated (1954) by Walter Kaufman, originally published 1889. Our Own Why There is a range of “whys” that explain how we behave. We have in-the-moment behaviors like eating (why? “I’m hungry”). As we mature, we also have much longer-term timeframes, such as multi-year educational plans (why? “I want to be an X”), and multi-decade parenting plans (why? “I want to give my children opportunities and an upbringing that I did not get to have”). You can probably recall many examples of how you tolerated discomfort or pain for the sake of a longer-term outcome. I suggest that it is helpful to make a list of these experiences in you...

by Kenneth Anderson, MA The National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism (NIAAA) defines binge drinking as drinking enough alcohol to reach a blood alcohol concentration (BAC) of 0.08% or higher, i.e., to become legally intoxicated. For men, this typically means drinking five or more US standard drinks in a two-hour period. For women, this is typically four or more standard drinks in a two-hour period. Extreme binge drinking, also known as high-intensity drinking, is defined as drinking enough alcohol to achieve a BAC of .16% or higher, in other words, drinking twice as much as the amount for regular binge drinking. Extreme binge drinking is associated with throwing up or passing out. In the United States, extreme binge drinking is a common occurrence at 21st birthday celebr...

By Tom Horvath, PhD I was recently contacted by a website putting together a list of 50 very brief accounts, including before and after pictures, about individuals resolving addictive problems. I was pleased that they included a few quotes from me, about the process of change. https://www.boredpanda.com/best-all-times-before-after-addicts-transformation/ Perhaps the most important fact to know about significant addictive problems is that most individuals fully or mostly resolve them. So often the stories we see are focused on problems, not success. The process of change often takes more effort and more time than we would like, but nevertheless it happens! The results of the change process are quite different from individual to individual. The lengthy time needed to change ca...

This week, Kenneth Anderson, MA, explores MRI and brain shrinkage research in part 2 of the series, "Does Alcohol Kill Braincells?" Part 1 can be found here. By Kenneth Anderson, MA A 2001 study by Kubota et al. performed MRIs on 1,432 employees and family members (1,061 men and 371 women) of a large Japanese corporation to investigate shrinkage of the frontal lobe of the brain. Subjects were each categorized by their drinking status (abstainers, light drinkers, moderate drinkers, heavy drinkers), age (30s, 40s, 50s, or 60s), and brain shrinkage (shrunken, not shrunken). Heavy drinkers were classified as those who drank 350 grams of ethanol (25 US standard drinks) or more per week. There were no significant differences between the abstainers, light drinkers, and moderate drinkers ...

Amanda Eversmann of Life Process Program, on Radical Acceptance in Addiction, Recovery, and Parenting I entered on a ten-year addiction because my mother didn’t radically accept me and I accordingly didn’t accept myself.  I had to first learn to accept myself, and also my children. Then I radically accepted my mom. 1. My Upbringing I remember my childhood fondly. My mom was an 8th grade teacher and taught at the public school next to the Catholic school I attended K-12. My dad worked hard at the Ford motor factory. We were comfortably middle class. My mom was involved in every activity I did.  She was a Girl Scout leader, Sunday school teacher, classroom volunteer. But she and I have different personalities. We butted heads frequently. She can be pretty intense and I am more lai...

By Tom Horvath, PhD On 4/9/24 the Society of Addiction Psychology (Division 50 of the American Psychological Association) released an interview with me about SMART Recovery. The interviewers are Noah Emery and Sam Acuff, both psychology professors. This podcast about SMART Recovery runs one hour and 10-minutes, and is an interview with sections on: the early history of SMART the four foundations of SMART’s approach, which is self-empowering, science-informed, progress-oriented, and holistic the efficacy of SMART (which based on the evidence thus far is comparable to AA) the importance of staying open to new ideas how SMART’s language will evolve over time (and already has) how SMART’s tools ultimately help someone arrive at new interpretations of themselves, th...

By Tom Horvath, PhD I expect that you know everything I am about to write about. However, I hope this blog will be a useful reminder about life and values. A well-lived life is based on values. We act on values we are not even aware of. However, we know many of them. Becoming even clearer about them is worth the effort. Some ways to accomplish that effort is what I am proposing here. If you find yourself, in some part of your life, uncertain about what to do next, it’s time to think ahead. What is a value you want to be acting on? To help identify this value, ask yourself “big picture” questions. What would I ultimately like to accomplish? How would I like to be remembered? What change seems most important to make? If I could be completely in charge, what would I do? What I ...

By Tom Horvath, PhD Boredom is the perception of being under-stimulated. We all have optimal levels of stimulation (some generally want more, some generally less). Whatever your level, when you are not getting enough, you are bored (and when over-stimulated, you may be stressed). Boredom is often considered an undesirable state. However, let’s start with its advantages. If not much is going on in your immediate world, you have time to consider the larger context of your life. It is easy to lose track of what is more important than day-to-day and moment-to-moment issues. If bored you have a moment to consider what is important, rather than just immediate or urgent. When feeling bored you might say, “I’m glad nothing is pressing on me at the moment; I can think about the bigger p...