We Are Disturbed Not By Events
By Tom Horvath, PhD
“We are disturbed not by events, but by our views about them.” – Epictetus, 60-138 CE
B
ad events happen to all of us. To some of us, they happen to a great extent. Whether we have first-world problems, third-world problems, or something else, our problems focus our attention. We want to solve them. In some cases, solving problems means changing or exiting a situation.
In many cases, however, there are no obvious changes or exits to make. What now? These types of problems require a change of “view.” Psychologists and others who help people change their “views” have used many terms to describe what needs to be changed to address these types of problems:
- perspective
- perception
- context
- viewpoint
- beliefs
- point of view
- interpretation
- *guiding model
- cognitive structure
- cognitive schema
- cognitive map
- internal representation
- private construct
- knowledge structure
- life script
- personal mythology
- interpretive framework
- mindset
- inner theory of reality
*the remaining items on this list are taken from Tapping: Self-healing with the transformative power of energy psychology, by Feinstein, D, and Eden, D (2024); these terms are used in some forms of psychotherapy
Notice the distinction between first and third-world problems. To consider this distinction is to change the “context” (the third item on the list) in which we understand a problem. To state it simply, is this problem that big of a deal? In a similar way, consider a quote attributed to Helen Keller: “I cried because I had no shoes until I met a man who had no feet.”
How to change one’s “views” is the heart of behavior and emotional change. I suggest that no one has summarized the challenge more succinctly or effectively than that single sentence of Epictetus. On the other hand, thousands of books have been written on how to make these changes.
If you have found a book or books that have been helpful, stay with them! If you want a simple approach, consider the following steps:
- State “the problem” out loud. Write it down, ideally in a sentence or a few. Say it out loud regularly. Keep refining the statement, to make it more accurate. As you refine it, does a new view emerge?
- Ask others how they might approach such a problem (you are not asking for advice, just ideas). A mutual help group (such as a SMART Recovery meeting) is an ideal place to ask. Does a new view arise from these discussions?
- Consider how you have resolved similar problems. What useful comparisons do you find?
- Is there a larger context or perspective you could bring to the problem (e.g., “yes, it’s bad, but it only happens for a day every other year; I can bear it”)? How does the larger context help? Can the problem remain difficult yet become more bearable?
- Are there any facts you could investigate that might bring some light to the problem?
These steps, the steps you read in books, and the questions and ideas you hear in psychotherapy (and other efforts at behavior change) are all ways to bring fresh thinking to your problem. I wish you good fortune in finding fresh thinking!
Liked exploring the thinking of Epictetus? You might also be interested in: Radical Acceptance in Addiction, Recovery, and Parenting.