By Devon Berkheiser You can build trust again! Often, building trust with loved ones is a significant part of the recovery process. It’s not uncommon for people in the midst of an addiction to engage in lying, sneaking, and other behaviors that create a loss of trust in relationships. While it can be daunting to think about repairing your important relationships, here are 5 ways to help you manage the process: 1. Be patient First and foremost, recognize that rebuilding trust takes time. Addictive behaviors may have occurred over a span of many years, so it’s not realistic to think that you’ll be able to regain trust immediately. Your friends and family members have their own feelings to work through, so give them time and space for that. It’s normal to want to make things better...

By Devon Berkheiser In early recovery, many people face a choice: whether to continue friendships with people who may still be using or to end those friendships in order to protect their own sobriety. This is not always an easy decision to make. Some using buddies may actually be long-term friends, and it can be hard to handle another important loss when you’re already dealing with so many changes in your life. Additionally, you may not have sober friends, which leaves you with the option of going back to old friendships or essentially starting over, which can feel overwhelming. If you do decide to maintain friendships with friends who are not sober, here are tips to help you manage the situation: 1. Evaluate the risk Some using buddies may be supportive of your new sobriety while ...

By Devon Berkheiser, Psy.D. Recovery is a major change that affects your entire lifestyle. When your energy is not spent on obtaining or using a desired substance, you might wonder what to do with your time or how to exist in “normal” life. Additionally, it’s common for people in early recovery to experience something of a slump after the first few weeks of sobriety. Perhaps you were expecting everything to be magically better once you got sober, but instead feel disappointed with the somewhat mundane nature of life in recovery. Although it can be a big transition, there are some things that you can do in order to make the adjustment to regular life easier. Here are 5 tips for getting used to normal life: 1. Learn to tolerate boredom and discomfort While we all want to experien...

Developing Good Health Habits in Recovery Last week, in Part II of this series, we looked at finding a healthy balance between momentary and long-term satisfactions. Below, we’ll look at one more component of building a new life in recovery – developing good health habits. Whether you’re in recovery from addiction or not, good health habits are the cornerstone of overall well-being. In such a fast-paced society, with so much to do and so many distractions, it is more important than ever to remember to take care of ourselves and our bodies. Below are the 7 essential health habits Dr. Tom Horvath discusses in chapter 12 of his book, “Sex, Drugs, Gambling & Chocolate.” 1. Get Enough Sleep It’s likely that when you were actively pursuing your addiction, sleep fell to the wayside. ...

Finding Balance in Recovery Day-to-day balance is an important element in relapse prevention. Too much stress, too little downtime, or too much downtime and not enough activity are just two examples of an unbalanced lifestyle that could encourage addictive behavior. For those of you not quite sure how to achieve daily balance, Dr. Tom Horvath suggests keeping a daily and weekly schedule. By scheduling adequate time for the categories of lifestyle balance listed below, you greatly increase the chances of feeling satisfied with your life. With a healthy balance of long-term and momentary satisfactions, you'll be likely to find joy and fulfillment in life without substances and addictive behaviors. Consider the following categories: Work/relaxation Activity/contemplation (self...

(This 3-part series on building good habits, finding balance and working toward good health is adapted from chapter 12 of “Sex, Drugs, Gambling and Chocolate,” by Tom Horvath, Ph.D, ABPP) The Six Pillars of Building Good Habits “You can build a new life that is even more satisfying than life with your addiction.” - Tom Horvath So you’ve gotten through the acute withdrawal phase of recovery, dealt with immediate craving issues and have decided to take your recovery to the next level. Now what? Well, it’s time to rebuild your life. Just leaving the addiction behind isn’t enough – it’s time to start looking at how you can fill the void – that empty space that was once filled by addiction. For some, this may be exciting; a new life by design. For others, this may feel a little overw...

by Devon Berkhesier, Psy.D. Stress goes hand in hand with change; when we have to adapt to some type of change, we experience stress. Although we typically think of stress as harmful, it can, in fact, be beneficial by providing the motivation that we need to succeed. But when stress becomes chronic or overwhelming, it can cause significant health problems. Stress can affect virtually every system in the body, causing a wide range of physical ailments such as tension headaches, hypertension, stomach pain, and insomnia. Sometimes the effects of chronic stress are less immediate. For example, did you know that stress can suspend tissue repair, potentially resulting in osteoporosis and susceptibility to fractures? Stress can also worsen pre-existing conditions such as diabetes, chroni...

Updated November 9, 2021 by Devon Berkheiser, Psy.D. Self-esteem is important. When we feel good about ourselves, it’s easier to engage in positive and healthy activities. Self-esteem also prevents us from beating ourselves up when we make mistakes, thus allowing us to get back on track quickly, rather than being overwhelmed by shame and self-hatred. Here are a few tips on how to improve your self-esteem: 1. Challenge negative self-talk We all engage in self-talk. It’s simply the running dialogue that happens in our heads. Unfortunately, not all self-talk is positive, and negative thoughts about the self can be damaging to self-esteem. So be aware of your self-talk and “catch” negative thoughts. For example, if you find yourself saying, “I’m a total failure” when you make a mist...

Problems are an inevitable part of life, but we have choices about how to handle them. We can avoid or deny problems, which often makes them bigger, or we can be proactive and resolve them. Some problems cannot be "solved," only resolved. We often need to practice acceptance. For instance, if I consider dying a problem, then accepting that ultimate reality is the only resolution. However, even problems that may require a large amount of acceptance can also benefit from problem-solving some of their components. For instance, I am not able to avoid death, but I can have influence over many aspects of it. From a self-empowering perspective, acceptance is often Plan B, with active problem solving being Plan A. Here are five basic steps for effective problem solving: Define the pro...

Tom Horvath, Ph.D. talks to San Diego's Fox5 and responds to children's concerns regarding their parents' addiction to technology. As Dr. Horvath points out, there is an upside to this, and some surprising truths. Be sure to click for full screen view.